i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
