my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize