Plan B is the new Plan A
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize