i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
