some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
