Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
