He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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