I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
