so explain again why im purple
no
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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