so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
