The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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