guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
