I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
