just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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