I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
