we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
