Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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