You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
