i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
