i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
that's an acceptable place to lick
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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