i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
