Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
