she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
