Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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