i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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