Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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