Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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