Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
