I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he shaved USA in his pubs
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
