We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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