This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
