i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
