Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
