Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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