It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
