I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
