and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
