I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
