so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
