Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize