Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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