I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
