i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
