Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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