I cannot find my penis.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
