the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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