My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize