her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
