I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
