I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
