I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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