She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
