i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she told me i tasted like america
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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