I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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