sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ketchup is God's man juice
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
