omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
