i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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