this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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