If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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