not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
