I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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