i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
