so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's rum buckets o'clock
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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