Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
