Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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