I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
