You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
